the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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