Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
