I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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