wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
