i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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