Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
