i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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