Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
