There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
