mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
