Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
