im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
