i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
