Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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