I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I need moral support for this bender
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
