I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
