Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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