You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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