I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
