Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
