I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
