the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
