i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
