I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
