first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
