Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
