I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
