i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
