im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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