i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
