Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
