I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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