she woke up with a sticky ear
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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