dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
