This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
