why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
