Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
