just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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