craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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