broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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