allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
