she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
