Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
