wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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