Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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