I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
