wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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