And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
