Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
