Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
