Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
