Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
