My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
