i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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