i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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