Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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