She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
